Book 2, chapter 2, first page

Why is everything so complicated? Is it okay to stay with someone who acts like they dont give a shit about you until someone better comes along? I think so. Is it okay to cheat on someone who you love but who doesnt know/care to treat you right? Maybe...Maybe.

Why not just leave him?

I wish men would understand that there is only so much that a girl can take. You might be able to get away with bullshitting a girl once, but the second time you do it, you shouldnt be suprised if she drops you cold turkey. she'll be off to fabulousness and you'll be off to wallow alone in your chinese food.

Crab Rangoons anyone?....... Just one more day, it will be over before you are even finished.

What Lips my Lips have Kissed

Yea, Adam and I are back together. Its kind of weird because I am really not one for back stepping but, we'll see how this goes.

He was kind of offended when he saw my last blog because he doesnt really think it does our relationship justice. Looking over it, it does appear that we had a very unhappy relationship...we didnt. Like all romantic relationships, ours had its ups and downs. Now that we are back together it still does. In case I did not make it clear the first time; the last blog is about what I learned from all three relationships. I haven't specified which guy I learned each from because I think it would distract from what the blog is actually about (me, what I learned) and made it about the specific guy.

I hope you guys find it funny. Looking over it, all I can do is laugh, though its been painful sometimes it also been great learning these things. Bullshit aside, all of these experiences have made me a stronger, more confident person.

I've learned a lot of life lessons lately too. Mainly I've been trying to figure out what I want out of my relationship with Adam. On a philisophical level, I think people get into romantic relationships because they have strong emotions for the other person or they are searching for something and they believe they've found this something in the other person. As for my feelings for Adam I think its a little bit of both.

Earlier today I was in his room and he had his arms around me. When his roomate walked in he quickly removed them and placed them on my shoulders. Why did you do that? I asked. "I don't know" he replied. Small smirk on his face. He did know. For a second I felt like I was in junior high, a juvenile boyfriend taking his hands away, embarassed to show that kind of emotion in front of his friend. I was tempted to ask why he even bothered ask me out if he was ashamed of his feelings for me, but I didnt want to fight, so I kept quiet.

I walked home wondering where was the girl who dumped confused boys at the drop of a hat. No explainations, no turning back.

Good Reason

What I've learned from 3 break ups in 10 months.

1.) If a guy lies to you about something small, dump him the second you find out-- it will only lead to bigger lies.

2.)DO NOT say "yes" to dating a guy you dont find attractive just because you think he's a nice guy, you'll probably end up trying to make him change to look better and this is not fair to him because he has a right to be who he is.

3.)Nerds, Geeks, and Guys who aren't as cute as you are NOT nicer than guys who are as cute as you. Men are men; they all do the same basic shit. Say NO to them and YES to the cute guys (at least you'll have some eye candy around this way).

4.) If a guy cannot kiss, you will NOT be able to teach him how to kiss.

5.)If you relationship feels too good to be true, it is.

6.)If a guy wants you to meet his parents within the first month of dating say NO

7.) Don't let any man spend every minute of his time with you, if you dump him, he will tell his friends that you forced him to be with you all the time.

8.)If a guy tells you that he "can't imagine not being without you" he is eiether lying or a psycho who will threaten to kick your ass when you finally dump him.

9.) If a guy only wants to see you when it's convenient for him, you should dump him as soon as you see the patern.

10.) If all your friends and family dont like your man, take their advice...Everybody can't be wrong.

11.) Dont get left holding the short end of the stick

12.) If a guy acts like he's doing you a favor by dating you, Please, Please, leave his ass the instant you realise it-- if only to prove that you don't need him

13.) Don't date people who live with your friends.

14.) **** **** ***** ************ I've decided that this one is too mean to publish, ask me about it

15.) Do NOT date guys with controling mothers. You WILL end up dating the mom.

16.) If a guy looks at another girl sexually while you are present, DUMP HIM ON THE SPOT.

17.)If he doesnt walk you home late at night because he wants to hang with his friends, yell FUCK YOU and leave him (for good)

18.) Do not let a guy (or anyone) change who are as a person

19.) If you are hesitant to tell your mom about him, he is not for you.

20.) If someone you are dating starts avoiding you, don't even bother finding out whats up, three days is the rule. After this assume its over and move on.

21.) Don't continue to date someone who refuses to argue about issues that are important to the both of you.

22.) If a guy tells you he has a REALLY big penis and you find out he has a small one, end it. This is symptomatic of sooo many other things.

The L Word

I'm sure you all know by now that I'm dating Adam Schmidt ( I know, I know, please ignore the name, dont worry, he's nothing like the last Adam). Things have been going really well, I mean really well. I'm almost frightened to write this blog because i've come to understand that sometimes when people find out that you're happy; they'll do anything to destroy what they see within you. None the less, I cannot bite my tongue any longer; lets start from the beginning.

I cant remember the exact day, but shortly after I dumped Mr. Nader, Adam and I started to become friends. He was sort of dating someone else and I had decided that I would swear off men for a while. Its kind of weird because I cannot remember exactly where this period ended, and he and I began. The closest I can come to is when he said to me "I like you". It just hung in the air for a while, niether of us knowing what to do with the information. Then we started hanging out a lot and yadda, yadda, yadda, we became a couple.

Weeks later lying in bed at 3 am together, Adam turns to me and says "How do you feel about the L word?"

"what?" I say in response "do you mean Lesbian"

Notes from a "Drama Queen"

I love my life. I have amazing friends and a beautiful family. I generally think my judgement is good, but there are times that I have slipped up . As you all know, my lastest slip up was Adam Nader. He's not something that I sit a home thinking about, but earlier today I was looking through my space journals and saw that he wrote a blog (if you wanna see it, look him up on my space, or he has a link on his facebook page) in which he charectorized me as an something to the effect of "attention seeking, bad mouthing, drama queen". Now, you guys know me, so I wont even waste timed desputing these claims. I just wanted you guys to know that you should check out his blog from time to time so you can really understand what psychotic assholes are in the world, and try and figure out a way to watch out for them. God knows I wish I spoke to Adam's ex before I got involved with him.

Oh yea, guys, I kinda have something with a new guy :-) I dont want to jinx it, so I wont tell you who just yet, but just know that he's really sweet and awesome...we spent the whole day yesterday and last night together. It goes without saying that while Mr. Nader is spending V-Day with his lubricated hand I will be spending it with a sweetie.

Let it go.

Total Honesty

If you ask me on any rational day, i'll deny that i've ever been hurt by anyone.

Today is one of those days.

A women of my word, I looked to find all my promised points about Adam, but the gods have temporatily ruled in his favor because I cannot find them.

Enough about an Asshole. Today was a good day despite the note that prado gave me in Spanish. I'm in love with everything, its amazing. Someone once told me that the best revenge was learning to live well, I discounted at the time, but some how ended up using it as a life philosophy.

I love my readers, thanks for reading. I'm off to dance around my room in my underwear, then orgasm, then bed

Low down, good for nothing, mistake making fool

Adam is an asshole. This blog is not big enough and I dont have the energy to explain what a fucker he is. Tommorow I am going to republish my original list of things I learned from being his girlfriend. on the day that I published it, he called me at some ungodly hour and bitched me out about "how messed up it was for me to tell people about his behavior" . "Libel" he said. "Adam" I asked, "You werent embarassed when you were doing these things to me why are you upset now that you see them written down?"

He said "I dont want the world to know"

I feel like I am going to vomit. John FUCKING G. just just repeated parts of My sexual life with Adam back to me. This disurbs me on several levels:

Level 1: Adam Promised he wouldnt tell anyone (especially not) JOHN G*** "I would not do that to you" he said

Level2: Have you fucking seen John G***?

Leval3: I cannot believe I let this prick touch me

Level 4: I cannot believe that at one point I really care about/wanted (to be with) him

Level 5: I hate that this guy has seen me naked; I feel so violated, how dare he share my private information with that dirty guy

Leval6: I understand that guys will be guys and they talk with their friends about their girlfriends ( I mean come on, I talked to my friends about adam when I was with him) but for godsake, at least be smart enough to tell someone who is not going to repeat that shit back to your (ex) girl friend. plus, a promise is a promise.